Happy New Year!! I haven’t blogged in a while and now seemed like as a good a time as any. It’s the start of a new year and I can only assume that many people have spent some time the last couple of days reflecting on what has, or has not happened over the last year. I’m guessing that reflection is also coupled with thoughts of what you would wish the next year to be like. Set the bar high–the sky is the limit!!
I often hear people say, “this is going to be my year”. I would have to say if there really is such a thing as “my year” it would have been 2011. For me it was a year of many firsts. I ran my first races, completed my first sprint triathlon and finished my second DALMAC tour. I accomplished every physical goal that I set for myself–against the odds some might say. None of this has been easy, but it’s all been worth it and it all comes with a price so to speak. Transforming myself and my life has been amazing, but it’s been scary all at the same time. I have so many people around me that have supported me along the way and I couldn’t have gone on this journey without them–I am grateful for that. For the people close to me I know it hasn’t been easy for them either. Although I know they are proud of me and my accomplishments, I do think from time to time they have thought they were sacrificing something as well, and perhaps they were. I think they might have felt like I was being selfish, didn’t need them anymore or was pushing them away. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. For me, it was about pulling the person inside of me out–living the life I always wanted and I finally found the courage to do it.
I’ve been overweight my entire life. It’s a tough place out there when you’re a 300 pound girl–all the self confidence in the world can’t fix some things. It’s easy to get comfortable when you’re loved and accepted in your circle of family, friends and co-workers. That comfort takes over and one day turns to the next and although things seemed good they really weren’t. Yes, I was blessed with an amazing family and the best group of friends a person could ask for. I had a job that I loved and was proud of, but I really was not living. The only growing that I was doing was out! I had completely stopped growing as an individual. I had no outside interests, nothing that I really loved to do in my spare time–no hobbies to really speak of. I had become someone that I knew I really wasn’t and it was going to kill me. I had to push myself out of that comfort zone and face life head on. Believe me when I say that this is about so much more than the numbers on the scale. Many people think I have amazing willpower and just went on a diet–that is just not true. I have worked hard to learn how to live a lifestyle that will allow me to remain active, be happy and continue growing as a person. Some days sure aren’t easy, but they are worth it, I am worth it–that’s what I have had to learn.
The easy part is over and the real work is just beginning. Imagine looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person that looks back at you. Imagine looking at pictures of your old self and not recognizing that person either. Where does that leave you? It leaves you having to get to know yourself all over again. It leaves you learning to like the person that you have worked so hard to find. To use an old cliche, “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”. I’ll be 40 years old in a few weeks and in a lot of ways I am just living life for the first time. I enjoy learning about what makes my body tick and I continue to make changes that will benefit my overall health and wellness.
I can’t thank all of you enough for your support along the way–you continue to inspire me. 2012 doesn’t come with resolutions for me–I’m just going to live life one day at a time and when I screw up (and I will) I’m going to forgive myself and move forward. A good friend recently told me, “don’t look back…it distracts from the now”.
Much love to you all! Have a happy and healthy new year!